The Earth According to Mark.

I've been reading journals by mass killers (George Sodini) and mad scientists (Leonardo da Vinci) lately, and I can't help but notice that their words and feelings match my own friends' blogs. Despair, hope, loneliness, ambition, self efficacy.

a;skdjf

My friend is entering the seminary. Our discussions on religion always end up so cynical. In relevance to being a priest, he said he wants to downplay the notion of "being called;" he feels the phrase alludes to how human beings are selfish and how they have an undying need to feel significant. "Being called" is individualistic which goes against the grain in terms of the church being a universal ("Catholic") body. He also noted that the general feeling of "unworthiness" can be attributed to the possible notion that Jesus regretted dying for our sins; that we feel guilty because in effect, He died for "nothing." But on the other side of that, he refuted many of the ideas brought up in Bill Maher's anti-religious film Religulous. My friend is going to be one crazy-ass priest.

asdlfkj

My other friend wrote a blog on exclusivity. I feel it. I know this one girl who is in a group, and whenever she posts pictures of this group it's always just her and her friends [who happen to be in the group]. Always brings a chuckle to my face. But on the real, although I may be a hypocrite when it comes to this, I really try to hang out with as many people possible. Maybe it's narcissism? Probably. But I'm anti-commital. Don't like to be held down by one social collective. Maybe it's anti-social? Or maybe I'm just hella introverted. Which leads me to another thing.

I think it's hard for me to make friends nowadays. I try not to bring it up, but I really think that smoking bud made me alot more chill, which made it easier for me to talk to people and socialize. Now I feel incredible anal all the time. I get in people's faces. And more people have shit against me. It's like, once I dropped this vice, something equally worse happened. And I feel bitterly competitive. Like today, I was thinking to myself: I need to get rich so I'm better than everyone. I don't even know where that thought came from; it just sort of shot out.

More to come.