The Earth According to Mark.

Land of the Lost was a pretty good movie. I want to see The Orphan; even Drag Me to Hell. Japandroids this weekend in Visalia where Ken Park was shot. Bakersfield in a few hours. Then back to the 'vine to try round ten-thousand of trying to find a job.

I've opted to do Mass on the Plaza. It's always good to give back, serve, and use your talents. I haven't really been playing bass lately; mostly keyboard. Played some guitar and bass today actually - really strange to go from keys to strings.

I had something else to say, but I forgot what it was. Eyes need to close. It's been awhile.

It's hard to be the better man when you forget you're trying.

Today I was walking to The Coffee Bean and some guy said - whilst talking to a friend - "Don't swear on your life until you've seen it with your own eyes." Damn. Fifteen minutes later I run into my friend Stephanie. She use to live in the dorms - literally my next door neighbor. We did a song together during the summer after first year, and she ended up going to UCLA. I found out she just got back from organic farming in Oregon, and she's pursuing law school (environmental law). So we hang out for a little bit, and she says something so strange to me: "You should do what you want now because you won't get the chance again." Damn.

I am trying to find a job right now. It's a saturated market of graduates. It's hard. Most people don't know this. They're usually too ignorant to know. And even though graduating a bio-major is an accomplishment within itself (most people drop and become psych majors), finding a job is another step. But during the downtime, waiting for replies, organizing resumes, etc., it's fair to say that I'm planning on setting just one week aside where I go on a tour. A real tour. No plans on where, but it's going to happen. I just need to book venues. One week. That's all I need.

Pieces.

I never use the left shift on my keyboard. I need to use it more. I feel like it's the key that everyone ignores and takes for granted.

Just a thought.

Dear Diarrhea.

I have this feeling I'm going to die soon. I'm not trying to be depressing or omnipresent [like old Filipino people]. I just know I'm going to die soon. And I know how I'm going to die. Above all else - if I'm wrong about when - I know exactly how. And it's always been on the back burner for me, it's influenced how I live my life ultimately - I know how I'm going to leave this planet, and because of that, I can do anything I want. Does that make me a megalomaniac? Probably. But in this life, there's so many rules. Everyone's always criticizing everyone. And I figure, if people are going to always be on your nuts, then say fuck it and do your own thing. You feel me? It's like what ex-convicts think: Society is going to always reject them so they mind as well do whatever. But I really mean it in the best way possible.

I once played in a band. Were we good? When I'm in Bakersfield, people always stop me and tell me about how great we were. I guess taking that in to consideration, I'm probably the most unhumble person in the world. But I try - to be humble. But then I get humble and complacent mixed up and it's a mess. How do you do your "best" when you can't be "the best?" It's like being Unitarian. Being humble is like being Unitarian...Unitarian jokes aside, I think I want to bleed the dream again. Post-gard, life is of the essence. I still have sometime before pharmacy school, so I figure I mind as well make the greatest of this dead time (or lame duck session). Enjoy life. See what will happen. Work odd jobs. Go on an adventure. Etc., etc.

My friend is starting a church and he wants me to be the "pope" figure. No seriously. I kid you not, I was asked to be the "pope" figure of my friend's church. Life is crazy. Speaking of crazy: You know how little kids drop their pants down to their ankles when they take a whiz? I did that until sixth grade...in front of the urinals. Yeah, I'd totally piss bare-ass'd. That's nuts!

I just came home a few minutes ago from a night of Halo with a few friends of mine. It was a pretty chill event. So I came home, and I turn on the light to find the ceiling light on the table (in my room, the light is a halogen bulb hanging from the ceiling by a hanger-screw). I had forgotten that earlier today the light had fallen down incidentally. So I go searching on the stucco roof to find the hole where the screw went in. Seconds later, wah-law, it's in. I hang the light in, change, and then the light falls down, splatters, and goes out. No more light and tiny bits of bulb all over the carpet. I sit down and pick out every little piece that I possibly can with the light on from the dining room; it's not enough, but it'll do. And I manage to get a good amount of it. Relevance...It was weird because when the light fell down, I was just reflecting on my life. And this is what I was thinking:

At one point in my life, I was a nostalgic person. I only appreciated things once they were gone. I can't help it: I grew up playing in a emo band - all we ever write about are depressing things. But in these past few months - really this past month - I've really just said "Fuck it" to the future, and just learned to appreciate what is. And to be honest, I've never once hated my life in these past few months; I've been frustrated at the things happening in my life, but never my life in general.

I guess what I'm trying to get at is: this is my "hero's falling moment." I write about it all the time - every protagonist has that moment when he or she gives up. When going on seems pointless because it starts to seem like a means to an end. Earlier tonight, I got notification that my speech class got canceled. And then I pondered to myself how the hell I was going to get two more letters of recommendation: getting one was fucking hard enough. It's a frustrating process. And I just wonder if hope is around the corner, if I'm down in for another round of the darkest years of my life. I really don't know.

But time is running low, and I need to find out soon.

There's this theory that the Mona Lisa was traced; that da Vinci used a camera obscura, projected "Mona Lisa's" picture onto a wall and traced the picture.

I've been listening to the new Thrice album Beggars. It leaked, and I figured I mind as well give it a quick listen. It's increidbly awesome. I'm giong to go pick it up when it comes out in a few weeks.

Sometimes I feel like life is crossing a river with a baby, a dog, and a bottle of poison; can't leave the poison with the baby and can't leave the baby with the dog, but you can only bring one thing that once. Damn.

Doubting Thomas or Curious George.

Everything is headed in a new direction.

(Subject as said by a young woman in the CVS/pharmacy here in Westwood.)

No genetics quiz for Wednesday means I can have a care-free night. And then tomorrow I get back into it. I'm getting a letter of recommendation tomorrow from my TA who - although he was hard on me - I consider to be a shining example of what every TA should be: mercilessly merciful.

I enjoy TheWireBox because it allows me to hear alot of new music. At this point in my musical-life, I'm definitely downplaying power chords - even downplaying guitar. I'm trying to concentrate more on bass/drum/beats and honing my keyboard/piano skills. Currently doing research as to how to do loops in Cubase LE/FL Studio 5/CoolEdit Pro. I use to be so good at using CoolEdit Pro, now I'm like, "How do you do 'this' and 'that?'"

David and I are doing a split together. I'm doing four songs and he's doing four songs. I'm concentrating on post-rock eletronica; he's doing his thing. Chris and I are planning a split together. He's probably going to do folky-material. I'm going to do mainly bohemian, 'durty-piano' rock. I feel like this should've gone in my studio blog. But what-evers.

"We're taking back this city. But tonight, we're going to take back our lives."

These types of things bring me the most joy now. I <3 my PSS-140. I haven't played guitar - I mean, really played guitar - in a while. I should get back to that. But I really want to try something new. I think I'm getting bored of playing guitar; but not bored of music. And sometimes switching things up really brings you perspective. But on the paradox - I really dig playing some "analog-sounding" bass guitar. I think I'm just getting tired of watching the same stereotypical YouTube video: 'Filipino guy. With acoustic guitar. Playing a R&B song. And sometimes with a girl. An aZn girl.' Argh, damn me cynicism. And also just being with people brings me joy. Dinner with Sida and Isaac and Mihir and Yeenlan (sp?) and Charelene and I was great. I put all the "ands" because it was all couples. Dammit! That's what you get when you hang out with Sida; nothin' but couples hanging out. Maggiano's was okay; it didn't make a dent in my wallet...oh wait. It did. Haha.

I haven't written a God-centric blog in a while. I know I've missed all the summer meetings for LoG so far, but - don't take this the wrong way - I'm trying to just let whatever happens happens and revel in what (I think) is coming. It's not that I don't pray anymore, but I really don't pray for anything anymore. Not that I'm a cynic, but I'm at this point where it's like [insert cynicism]. Hoookay. Come to think of it, I'm always at a point in my life. But aren't we all points on some arbitrary line?...

Job hunt is still going strong. Or somewhat. Week break actually. I didn't get a call from those other places. Or atleast a call back. Not losing hope. I signed up for speech - Soc Sci 89; yeah UCI offers speech now, fucking shit.

I want to surf again. The weather is begging me to hit the waves, but the books are holding me down. I thought about ditching for a day; just to be a rebel for once, but at last, I'm all rebeled out. Those days of breaking the rules are gone. Now the most I'll do is pose as a molecular biologist for free pizza (which I admit, I was good at) or imitate a SPOPer to get free sandwiches.

Sometimes, I think I'm too damn good at not being myself - or rephrased - at being someone else.

The keyboard Charlene bought me came in. It's so fucking rad. It's a Yamaha PSS-140. It's from the late 1980's; I love the tones. It utilizes an FM chip (as opposed to a square wave chip); it sounds like a clear square chip. I'm also looking into a Yamaha PSR-6 and a few Casios that I found on Craigslist, but we'll see. I want to invest in an MPC and a drum machine in the near future as well as a loop pedal. I need to bring back my mixing board from home as well as my electric violin (which I plan on selling; don't need it now that I have my e-Bow).

Getting new music gear always feels like a reconstruction of sorts. Musically I just want to do more dancey, experimental type of stuff. I think JD described it best: post-rock eletronica. I've really been listening to alot of Tortoise and Justice, so I think it's uber apparent from that alone. Anyways, looking forward to Treasure Island in October. It's my first musical festival since Warped Tour.

Sometimes I wonder if being a good person can still get you ahead in life. I'm practicing compassion in the academic setting. Especially with my lab partner. I know she's struggling in class and hesitant to ask for help, but I try to help her out. But yeah, sometimes I wonder fi being a good person can still get you ahead in life.

I'm scared to find out.

A friend made a comment on how over the past two years my vocal expressions have went from "chill" to more authoritative ("gangster"). And in my head, I thought, "It's because I use to smoke alot of pot." Haha.

Sometimes when I say, "It's chill" in response to a "hairy situation," I really mean:

Grunion running is surreal. I don't like touching them, but I caught one, so I felt manly. Scuba and Steve are pros. Tips though:

• Learn to cook them. It's illegal to waste gamefish.
• Don't bring a flashlight. I learned this from Mike Flores; your eyes adjust to varying light, so your eyes kind of get screwy from switching between flash-light-illumination and moon-illumination. Since the grunions come out during a full moon, the moon is more than ample enough to see them.
• Biggest tip...Wait for the wave to come up. After it recedes, the grunions will be washed up on the beach. But get 'em quick because they squirm back to the ocean.
• Bring a bucket with water. (I think this is a norm for fishers.)
• High tide is when they come.

That is all.

I'm a very after-the-fact kind of person; I don't realize what I have until it's gone.

But at this moment.

I know what I've got.

I had a discussion today with Charlene about what the purpose of art was (I argued the “physical manifestation of emotion”) and then we discussed the evolutionary purpose of emotion. How does emotion allow us to increase our fitness (probability of the actual survival of the fittest)? I believe that emotion is very binary – polar. In so many ways, you can look at it like this: the human brain constantly tries to apply logic and reason. The neurobiology of man is a perfect example. The human eye sees only lines and dots, no distinctive figures. Instead, the brains fills in the rest in accordance to logic. That being said, an angry emotive response can be applied to man’s inability to apply logic to a problem. When we can’t find a resolution to a problem we ultimately get angry. The stress starts a mechanism that’s quite complicated (take a neuroscience class). But when we are happy, the body releases chemicals to reaffirm the happiness, not only on a conscious level, but also on a physical level (endorphins, laughter, etc.). It’s a Pavlovian response: if life wasn’t all about happiness, then why would happiness be so good for us on especially on a physical level. This can also prove to be an argument against people who philosophize that “life is about joy and pain.” Because maybe life is about pain, but biologically, we strive for happiness. If anything, happiness keeps us alive longer. Why would we want pain when it can decrease our life span on a biological level? That’s like saying it’s okay to smoke because it causes cancer and cancer is pain and pain is love.

Pain is love. Sounds like something Michael P. explained to me once in terms of the Catholic religion. Which proposes another question: What’s the evolutionary advantage of religion?

I'm 22.

For some reason I felt like I had something far more profound to say than that.

But "I'm 22."

New goal.

Eat healthier.

I'm talking organic. I just saw this: